THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS

Phoebe saw the rows of crackers on the shelves and felt a shiver of excitement, like the tingle of sherbet on your tongue. Her mother walked past them – and the tinsel and baubles – muttering about how they came out earlier every year. Phoebe thought that must be a good thing. If only it could be Christmas all year round!

Her father agreed with her, she was sure. At home she asked him when they were going to get a tree.

He looked at her mother, who was busy unpacking the shopping and leant forward as though sharing a secret. ‘If it was up to me, I’d get one right now Pheebs, but your Mum thinks it’s an offense to put it up early.’

‘If you put it up now, all the needles will fall off by Christmas,’ said her mother.

Her father made a face that said, ‘See what I mean?’

Phoebe kept asking, but her mother kept saying, ‘Not yet’. Then, at school, they started getting ready for the Christmas play. Everyone was given a part. Phoebe was going to be a dove. She was a bit jealous of her friend Daisy, who was an angel and had a lovely dress and a halo, until she heard that she was going to sing part of a song all by herself. They practised the play most afternoons and Mrs Heath wrote a note to her mother, asking her to make Phoebe some dove wings.

Mum smiled and said, ‘Of course. I’ve got nothing else to do.’

One morning, as Phoebe was eating breakfast, her mother gave her an advent calendar and Phoebe felt another little thrill as she opened the first window and found a robin. She was not sure what robins had to do with Christmas, except maybe their red feathers, but the next day there was a pile of presents and the next, a reindeer.

That weekend, her mother shooed her and Dad out of the kitchen.

‘I’m making the cake and some mince pies. Why don’t you practise your song, Phoebe?’

Phoebe did not like Christmas cake or mince pies, but she loved the smell that floated out of the kitchen and filled the living room, where Dad was listening to her sing. Later, they watched her favourite Christmas film, Santa Claus: the Movie and Phoebe felt as nervous as ever as Santa and the reindeer prepared to do the dangerous Super Duper Looper manoeuvre. Mum brought in hot chocolate and a mince pie for Dad and a mini roll for Phoebe. Phoebe asked again about the tree and her mother said they would get it the next weekend.

On the Saturday, though, her mother said she needed to write the Christmas cards. Phoebe asked her for a piece of paper and wrote a letter to Father Christmas. She did this even though at school Maisie Thomas had said he was not real. What Maisie said about reindeers not being able to fly and it being impossible to go round the world in one night made sense but after thinking about it, Phoebe decided that it did not really make a difference. Whoever was filling the sock she put out on her bed and leaving her a present under the tree, it was better to let them know what she wanted.

In the afternoon, Mum and Phoebe went into town and they waited in a long queue in the Post Office to send the cards. Then they went shopping for a present for Dad. Mum asked her what she thought he would like and Phoebe said a car like Uncle Peter’s, because she had heard Dad say what an amazing car it was, but Mum said it would be better to get him a new jumper. They went to Marks and Spencer and Mum picked out two jumpers and Phoebe chose the one that was blue with a red stripe across it, because it was more Christmassy than the plain grey one.

Mum wanted to do more shopping and Phoebe trailed behind, looking in the shop windows. One had a pretend frozen lake with tiny skaters and cotton wool snow round the edges, and another had a miniature village, with shops and houses dusted with snow and a carousel that lit up.

When they finished shopping, Mum took Phoebe to the tea shop on the High Street and bought them each a drink and a gingerbread man. The hot chocolate was delicious but Phoebe did not want to eat the little man, even if he was made of biscuit, so Mum bought her a piece of chocolate cake and she took the gingerbread man home, wrapped in a paper napkin.

The next morning, they went to the farm shop and chose a Christmas tree. Phoebe wanted the biggest, fattest tree there was, but Dad said it would not fit in the house, let alone in the car. Dad wanted to get one with roots that they could plant in the garden but Mum said it was a waste of money, so they bought one that had been chopped down, and when they got it home, Dad spent some time getting it to stand straight in a bucket. After lunch, he got the boxes of decorations down from the loft and they took turns hanging baubles – the red, gold and silver glitter balls, the wooden elves that Auntie June had bought in Sweden, the clay bell that Phoebe had made at school – and then Dad draped the tree in tinsel and fairy lights. When he plugged the lights in, only half of them lit up and he said a rude word and Mum told him off and he spent the next hour fiddling with the tiny bulbs until they all lit up and made the tinsel and baubles shine. Phoebe thought it was the prettiest tree ever.

A few more windows on the advent calendar and it was time for the Christmas play. Her mother had made her wings from an old sheet covered in scrunched up tissue paper. Phoebe felt a tingle of fear when she peeped out from the side of the stage and saw all the chairs lined up and the parents watching but then Andrew Cole said the line, ‘The dove heard the news and flew round the world’, and she ran on stage, remembering what Mrs Heath had told her about not stomping, did a quick circle flapping her sheet wings and then stopped in front of the other children. She saw Dad stand up with his video camera and give her a thumbs up. Then the piano started up and Phoebe took a deep breath and started singing. At first her voice was a bit quiet.

‘Said the night wind to the little lamb,

‘Do you see what I see?’’

She stood up straight and lifted her chin and her voice came out stronger. At the end of the song, when everyone had sung their bit, she heard Dad shouting ‘Bravo, Pheebs!’ and saw Mum clapping with her hands above her head.

Finally, Phoebe opened the last window on the advent calendar and found a picture of Mary and Joseph in the stable with baby Jesus and the animals. Mum said she had lots of things to do and they should keep out of her way and Dad said that was alright because he and Phoebe were going shopping. It was busy the streets were full of people and they went into the big department store to find something for Mum. Phoebe chose some perfume and a scarf. Dad bought a book and a blouse. Then, Phoebe took Dad to show him the Christmas village and the skaters.

At home, Phoebe and Dad went into the spare room, where Mum had left a pile of wrapping paper and ribbons, scissors and sticky tape. The perfume was easy to wrap because it was in a box, the scarf was harder and ended up a bit wonky but Phoebe stuck a bow on it and it looked alright. They put their presents under the tree.

The rest of the afternoon dragged. She watched some Christmas cartoons and Dad cooked his special sausage and mash dinner and they had ice cream for pudding. Finally, it was bedtime. Phoebe put her Christmas stocking on the end of her bed and even though it was still empty, it was like she could feel it there, waiting to be filled. She wanted to stay awake to see if what Maisie had said was true but the warmth and comfort of her bed were making her sleepy. And then she woke and although it was still dark in the room, she could feel the weight of the stocking full of presents and knew she had slept through the moment.

She sat up and felt the lumpy stocking. She knew there would be a mandarin in the toe and some nuts in the heel because there always were, and she could see a red and green striped lolly pop sticking out of the top. The rest of the contents were wrapped. She took the top one out and examined it, then went on until all the little presents were lined up on her bed. She went out onto the landing but there was still no sound from Mum and Dad’s room. She gathered the stocking presents in her dressing gown and carried them all downstairs.

The lights on the tree were twinkling in the dark living room. Phoebe turned on the big light and smiled when she saw the presents that had appeared under the tree. She sat down and began investigating the pile under the tree. The largest present was wrapped in paper covered in snowflakes and had a label that said it was for ‘DEAR PHOEBE; WITH LOVE FROM MUM AND DAD’. There were lots more with her name on: two from Father Christmas, one from Barbara, the old lady next door, one from Goldie, the rabbit, and another from Uncle Tom and Auntie Beth in America.

‘I hope you’re not peeking!’ Dad came into the living room, wearing pyjamas and a Santa hat.

‘Happy Christmas, Dad!’

‘Happy Christmas, Pheebs.’

When Mum came down, Phoebe opened her stocking presents, which were coloured pencils and scented rubbers, a purse and some cherry-flavoured lip balm (her favourite). And as usual there was a new decoration for the tree – this year a snowman, with a woolly hat and a real stick for a broom and a piece of orange felt for his nose. Phoebe hung it low down, but Dad said Goldie might chew it and moved it to a higher branch.

They had pancakes for breakfast and Dad let Phoebe help flip them and afterwards, he cleared the plates while mum started peeling potatoes and fussing over the turkey. When her mother finally took off her apron and came into the living room, they took turns opening presents and Mum made notes of who had given what so Phoebe could write thank you letters. She got a Beanie Baby and some books, a china rabbit, a bottle of bubble bath and a mug with her name on it. The large present was a Barbie house, so she knew that Mum had read her letter to Father Christmas. Dad carried it up to her bedroom and Phoebe spent some time settling her two Barbie dolls into it.

Then Mum made them pick up all the wrapping paper while she went back to the kitchen and soon, there was a ring at the doorbell and Auntie Pauline and grandma and Phoebe’s cousins Jamie and Cassie came rushing in with more presents. They opened those and Phoebe and Cassie went to play with the Barbie house for a while. Mum called out that food was ready and they pulled their crackers and put their hats on and Phoebe got a tiny pack of cards from her cracker. Dinner went on forever as the adults ate slowly and talked a lot. Phoebe did not like turkey much and she hated Christmas pudding, but the trifle had tinned fruit and custard and almonds on the top.

After dinner, they played games but Phoebe was feeling tired and a little sick from all the sweets and chocolates she had eaten and when her aunt and cousins left, she went upstairs and put all her presents in a pile on the table beside the Barbie house, before getting into bed. The day that had seemed to take so long to arrive had slipped by so fast she could hardly believe it was over. There were still days and days of holiday but Phoebe knew the best bits of Christmas came before. Luckily, there would be another Christmas next year and one the year after: a whole string of Christmases stretching out ahead of her. As she fell asleep, Phoebe knew she would always love Christmas.

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Phoebe parked the car and went into the supermarket, where the staff were removing Halloween merchandise from the shelves and replacing it with Christmas decorations. She felt a heaviness settle on her, like the feeling of going down with a cold.

‘They’re already putting out the Christmas stuff!’ she complained to Neil, at home.

‘It gets earlier every year!’ he sympathised.

‘Well, I’m not putting up a tree until December. Preferably the second week. I don’t care what they say about these new varieties not dropping needles, they still do and then I’m picking them out of the carpet until March.’

‘It’s the central heating.’

‘Perhaps we should get an artificial one. There are some good ones now.’

‘But it’s not the same, is it? You don’t get the smell, for one thing.’

They had this discussion every year. Eventually, Phoebe was sure she would win Neil over. On the subject of postponing the start of Christmas, though, she was less hopeful. The problem was, the most popular items sold out and however much she wished the boys would be satisfied with an advent calendar where all that was hidden behind the little window was a picture, she knew they had been primed by adverts and friends to expect more. So, the next time she went shopping, she bought a Lego calendar for Josh, who was eight, and a Disney calendar for Sam, who was five, cringing at the cost and the thought of what her mother would say. She put them away in the cupboard and tried again to ignore the impending festivities, but it was hard.

Phoebe worked freelance, doing the accounts for several local businesses and they were all busier at this time of year, which meant more work for Phoebe. Then the boys came home from school one day wriggling with excitement; they had started rehearsals for the school play. Josh had been chosen to be a king, for which the school thankfully would provide a costume, while Sam was a star and the teacher had sent a note asking if they could make him something to wear.

On the first of December, when they came down for breakfast, Phoebe gave the boys their calendars. Their eyes lit up as they scanned the windows, looking for the number one, and for a moment Phoebe was ten again, looking forward to 24 days of tiny windows to open, 24 days filled with tinsel and chocolate and Christmas films. Then the boys found what they were looking for, small fingers scrabbled at the window and pulled out the day’s toy.

As he put on his coat, Josh turned to Neil. ‘Can we put up the lights outside, Daddy?’ he asked, keen to show that he knew more about Christmas conventions than his brother.

‘We’ll do it at the weekend,’ promised Neil.

The Christmas lights were something else that Phoebe and Neil had discussed a lot, though Neil had won that argument. Phoebe thought them tacky and garish, but Neil had argued that most of the houses on their street had them and – more persuasively – that the boys would love them. Which they did. They spent most of the day watching Neil as he got the boxes out of the garage and untangled cables, then set up Santa and two reindeer on the front lawn and hung a string of lights along the eaves. They came inside and waited impatiently until it was dark, when they all went outside and Neil plugged in the last cable and the front of the house was turned into a scene from the North Pole. The boys squealed with delight and ran circles round Santa. Phoebe liked the lights under the roof which looked like icicles.

The next day, Phoebe gave in and they went to a Christmas tree farm. Neil was given a small saw and they were taken out to the field on a trailer disguised as a sleigh. The boys scampered between the lines of trees, pointing out random specimens.

‘This one, Daddy? This one’s nice.’

Neil pretended to be considering. ‘Hmm. I think that one’s a bit too big, Joshy.’

‘What about this one?’

‘Too bushy round the bottom.’

The boys giggled.

‘This! This!’ shouted Sam, jumping up and down.

‘Nope. That one’s wonky. Definitely wonky. I think…this is the perfect tree!’

He pointed to the tree next to him which, to Phoebe, looked the same as all the others, and took his axe to its trunk. She felt a little sad for the tree that was being so rudely cut down and taken from the field where it had been growing, but she caught the tree and helped Neil load it onto the trailer to take back to the farm.

After another ride on the trailer-sleigh, they were back at the barn, where there were biscuits, mince pies, hot chocolate and mulled wine. The boys joined the other children racing round a track lined with straw bales on pedal-driven tractors, until they remembered the tree. At home, Phoebe had already covered the corner of the carpet with a red sheet and set all the decorations on the coffee table. Neil fixed the tree in the stand and put on the lights, then they all hung the decorations, Phoebe holding back from giving the boys too much direction and only occasionally moving a bauble she thought they had placed too low or too near another.

In the week, while the boys were at school, she tried to keep up with work in between dashing round the shops, wrapping presents and writing lists. She had a list of presents she still needed to buy, a list of food she was planning to make over the holiday period when they would have her mother staying with them and her cousin Cassie and family for Christmas day, a list of groceries she needed to make those things and a list of  ‘other things to do’.

At least she no longer had a list of people she needed to send cards, having given up the tradition a couple of years before, claiming to want to save trees, though really, she was trying to save her sanity. All that keeping track of who had moved, who had died and what people had named their children were things she was glad to have dispensed with. She also did not make a Christmas cake as everyone was too full on Christmas day to eat it, and neither Neil nor the boys liked it. She did not make her own mincemeat either, and although she bought the most expensive, ‘luxury’ brand which gave off a pleasant waft of brandy when she opened the lid, she still felt guilty about that.

At the weekend, she took the boys shopping to get something for Neil. The shop windows were all bright with Christmas displays and she had to wait as the boys dawdled in front of every fake-snow filled scene and every Santa, and could barely tear them away from a workshop of elves that actually moved. Eventually, they got to the sports shop on the High Street where they – or rather Phoebe – chose a new cycling top, and the Josh chose a new football, which she knew was one of the things in his own letter to Santa. She wondered if he no longer believed in the big man, or if he was just hedging his bets.

On the day they were to perform the school play, the boys came home high on excitement and Phoebe, who had had a particularly stressful day chasing clients and trying to make sense of their muddled accounts, snapped at them for playing with the food she had made them, and then felt bad. She had a quick shower and got dressed, then helped the boys change. Neil had made an amazing star covered in tinfoil, that strapped onto Sam’s front, with a hole for him to look through and she put it in the car and when they got to school, helped him put it on.

Neil was supposed to meet her in the playground but he was not there so she went in. She sat in a chair near the front and put her bag on the next seat. From behind the curtain came the noises of children running across the hollow stage, teachers calling them back, and the music teacher tinkling on the piano. Neil arrived just after the main lights went off and slid into the seat Phoebe had saved for him. Phoebe raised an eyebrow and he whispered, ‘Sorry’. There was no time for him to explain as the curtains swept back to reveal the first scene.

 The play was an unusual take on the nativity, narrated by a girl who was cross with her parents for not getting her an iPhone, and starring Maria and Jo who had to leave their home because of war. When they reached a safe place, they had to live in a tent. Phoebe thought it was a little too realistic for a primary school play but the children seemed enthusiastic, except when Maria tried to hold Jo’s hand and he pulled it away.

Then Sam came on the stage in his star costume and the piano started up with a familiar tune. The older children started singing.

‘Said the night wind to the little lamb.

‘Do you see what I see?’’

Phoebe forgot everything around her and was ten years old again, standing on the stage fizzing with nerves and excitement. She remembered Dad videoing her, the teacher telling them all how well they had done and at home, still wearing her dove wings, being allowed to stay up late and watch television. And along with the thrill of that night came the joy she had once felt about everything to do with Christmas: the tree covered in tiny ornaments in the living room, people singing in the street, miniature villages, flying reindeer, socks stuffed with presents. It was a time to escape normal life and experience magic. And just because she now had to organise it, did not mean she could not enjoy it too.

Josh came on stage wearing a cloak and crown and Neil filmed him on his phone. Eventually, the girl narrator realised how lucky she was, the play finished, and a few minutes later the boys came rushing out, Sam dragging his star and both talking at once. Phoebe took them home and put on Santa Claus: the Movie and let them eat chocolates off the tree. And after they had fallen asleep, barely halfway through the film, and Neil had taken them up to bed, instead of wrapping more presents or checking her lists, she poured herself a glass of Baileys and sat down to cheer on the reindeer as they prepared to do the Super Duper Looper move.